Ghost of Poker Past
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
While a man is playing poker, he sees the ghost of George Washington.
“Washington,” he asks. “How can I win at poker?”
Washington says, “You must never tell a lie.”
The man thinks that is odd, because poker can be all about bluffing, but he follows through, folding on hands when he has nothing. Things don’t go well; in fact, he loses almost all of his chips.
He then sees the ghost of Benjamin Franklin. “What should I do?” The man asked the ghost.
Franklin says, “Be inventive.”
So, the man changes tactics, bluffs on almost every hand, but still loses his shirt. With just one chip left, the man sees the ghost of Abraham Lincoln.
“Abe, ol’ fellow, what should I do?”
Lincoln answers, “Go see a play.”
Poker Fopah
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
A guy’s wife drives him over to a casino and tells him to call her when he wants her to pick him up.
Feeling cocky, he sits down at a no limit holdem table with $1,000.
After a couple hours, he’s lost almost half his bankroll. Desperately hoping to double up and walk away, he looks down at pocket Aces. He pushes in all his remaining chips, only to be called by a woman with pocket 8’s who hits a miracle set on the river.
He walks right up to the lady who hit the trips and menacingly asks “Do you have any idea what my wife is gonna do to me when I call and tell her what just happened?”
The woman replies: “no, but if she needs a few tips on how to kick your ______, tell her to give me a call.”
Poker Tattoo
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
A professional poker player goes into the hospital for some routine tests. An older nurse walks in and they strike up a conversation about poker. While talking she lets him know that she has to shave him down below for the test, and that it is just part of the testing procedures. He agrees, so she starts shaving when she notices a tattoo that says the word ” R U S H ” in a interesting place.
Later she tells her co-worker, a young attractive voluptuous brunette, about the tattoo. The younger nurse is a big fan of poker so she proceeds to explain what the word “RUSH” means in the poker world. After explaining the younger nurse decides that she wants to see this tattoo for herself. She enters the poker players room and tells him that she has some “follow up” work to do and that it will only take a second. She bends over with her voluptuous cleavage showing and fiddles around looking for the tattoo. Afterwards the younger nurse goes back to the older nurse and says, “I must have gone to the wrong room. The guy I saw was a poker player also, but his tattoo said
‘R O Y A L F L U S H’.”
Poker George
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
While playing poker in a local poker joint, George an avid player, noticed that in the last few days, one of the players had done extremely well. So well in fact that George felt compelled to approach the old man and ask him what his secret was. The old timer looked at him for a second then said “I’ll tell you, but when you play me you have to fold to me when every time I’m in the pot with you.”
George thinks it over for a while, then reluctantly agrees.
The man says “ first of all see John over there, he scratches his head whenever he is bluffing.”
George says “oh.”
The old man continues “See the man at the end of the table, that’s Jimmy, when he has an ace, his nose flares a little bit. Now, Jeff over there, he always looks down when he has a great hand.”
George says ”wow, thank you.”
They start playing and at the end of the night George is broke. He corners the old timer and exclaims “why did you tell me those lies, I lost all my money.”
The old timer says “I’m sorry, your right I did tell you lies to get you to help me win.”
George says “ well, what was your secret to success then.”
The old timer replies “ I made the same deal with Jimmy, Jeff, and John that I did with you”.
Excuses, Excuses
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Tiptoeing into the house at 5:00AM trying not to awaken his wife, but it didn’t help. She woke up and asked where the heck have you been. Guiltily he said “OK, I admit it. I took my secretary to dinner and one thing led to another……”. “Stop lying” she interjected immediately. “YOU’VE BEEN PLAYING POKER.”
Nice Try
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
A man comes home very late from a poker game. His wife is standing at the door waiting for him with a rolling pin in her hand. Before she has a chance to say or do anything he says. “honey u have to pack, I lost u in a Poker Game ”
She says “how in the world did you do that”. He say it was really really hard.
“I had to fold a royal flush.”
Devine Poker
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
There’s a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his head. The voice says,
“Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.”
He ignores the voice.
Later in the day, he hears the voice again.
“Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.”
Again, he ignores the voice.
Soon he hears the voice every minute of the day.
“Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.”
He can’t take it anymore. He believes the voice.
He quits his job, sells his house, takes all his money, and flies to Las Vegas.
As soon as he steps off the plane, the voice says, “Go to the Horseshoe.”
He goes to The Horseshoe.
The voice says, “Put all your money into a World Series of Poker (WSOP) entry.”
He puts up his $10,000 and buys an entry into the WSOP.
He goes to his assigned tournament table.
The first hand is dealt and the guy is dealt AsAd.
The voice says, “Go all in.”
He pushes his entire $10,000 bankroll into the pot.
Three players call.
The dealer lays down the flop which is 8h9h10h.
The voice says, “Damn.”
Leprechaun
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Nicky OD was playing 10-20 hold’em and was stuck about 300 dollars when he looked down beside the table and saw a little green leprechaun.
“Quit playing poker forever right now and I’ll give you a pot of gold worth a million dollars.”, said the little fellow.
Nicky replies, “Let me get even first.”
Poker Blonde
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
A busty blond sat down at a table in a Las Vegas casino. “I hope you don’t mind,” she said, “but I play better when I’m naked.” She then proceeded to undress. On the very first hand, after some heavy betting, she was head’s-up in a monster pot. After the dealer turned over the river card, she flipped her hand over, jumped out of her seat and started screaming, “I won! I won! I won!” The dealer, flustered, pushed her the pot. “What’d she have?” the loser asked the dealer. “I don’t know,” the dealer said. “I thought YOU were watching.”
Poker Lady
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
A beautiful woman walks into a poker room and sits down to play. After a long silence one of the guys at the table says “Have I seen you here before, you look familiar.” The beautiful woman says ” Probably, I have heard that before”