Excuses, Excuses
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Tiptoeing into the house at 5:00AM trying not to awaken his wife, but it didn’t help. She woke up and asked where the heck have you been. Guiltily he said “OK, I admit it. I took my secretary to dinner and one thing led to another……”. “Stop lying” she interjected immediately. “YOU’VE BEEN PLAYING POKER.”
Nice Try
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
A man comes home very late from a poker game. His wife is standing at the door waiting for him with a rolling pin in her hand. Before she has a chance to say or do anything he says. “honey u have to pack, I lost u in a Poker Game ”
She says “how in the world did you do that”. He say it was really really hard.
“I had to fold a royal flush.”
Devine Poker
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
There’s a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his head. The voice says,
“Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.”
He ignores the voice.
Later in the day, he hears the voice again.
“Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.”
Again, he ignores the voice.
Soon he hears the voice every minute of the day.
“Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.”
He can’t take it anymore. He believes the voice.
He quits his job, sells his house, takes all his money, and flies to Las Vegas.
As soon as he steps off the plane, the voice says, “Go to the Horseshoe.”
He goes to The Horseshoe.
The voice says, “Put all your money into a World Series of Poker (WSOP) entry.”
He puts up his $10,000 and buys an entry into the WSOP.
He goes to his assigned tournament table.
The first hand is dealt and the guy is dealt AsAd.
The voice says, “Go all in.”
He pushes his entire $10,000 bankroll into the pot.
Three players call.
The dealer lays down the flop which is 8h9h10h.
The voice says, “Damn.”
Leprechaun
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Nicky OD was playing 10-20 hold’em and was stuck about 300 dollars when he looked down beside the table and saw a little green leprechaun.
“Quit playing poker forever right now and I’ll give you a pot of gold worth a million dollars.”, said the little fellow.
Nicky replies, “Let me get even first.”
Poker Blonde
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
A busty blond sat down at a table in a Las Vegas casino. “I hope you don’t mind,” she said, “but I play better when I’m naked.” She then proceeded to undress. On the very first hand, after some heavy betting, she was head’s-up in a monster pot. After the dealer turned over the river card, she flipped her hand over, jumped out of her seat and started screaming, “I won! I won! I won!” The dealer, flustered, pushed her the pot. “What’d she have?” the loser asked the dealer. “I don’t know,” the dealer said. “I thought YOU were watching.”
Poker Lady
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
A beautiful woman walks into a poker room and sits down to play. After a long silence one of the guys at the table says “Have I seen you here before, you look familiar.” The beautiful woman says ” Probably, I have heard that before”
Poker Super Heros
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Superman, Wonder Woman and the Invisible man were playing poker. In the middle of the game Superman gets an idea. He figures that if he got up and ran around the table as fast as he could, he would be able to see everyone else’s cards and nobody would be able to see him. So he tries it and of course wins the hand. A few hands go by and he figures he could get away with it again. He gets up as fast as he can, starts to run around the table when “Smack” he’s stopped dead in his tracks. Superman “says what was that.” The invisible man says ”ah, nothing”
Indecent Proposal
September 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Two couples got together to play some cards. Before the game started one of the players, named John, got up to go to the bathroom. On his way to the bathroom he passed by the bedroom and accidentally saw Bill’s wife changing. His faced turned beat red, he quickly said excuse me and continued on to the bathroom.
Later, after the game was over, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill’s wife followed him and asked, “Did you see anything that you liked?”
John admitted that, well, yes, he did.
She said, “You can have it, but it will cost you $100.”
After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn’t, John should come to her house around 2:00 pm on Friday.
Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 pm. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom together. When they were finished John left. Bill came home about 6:00 pm. He asked his wife, “Did John come by this afternoon?”
Reluctantly, she replied, “Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes.”
Next Bill asked, “Did John give you $100?”
She thinks, “Oh hell, he knows!” Finally she says, “Well, yes… he did give me $100.”
“Good,” Bill says. “John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.”