Q: How do you get a professional poker player off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
 

Q: What's the difference between a professional poker player and a large pepperoni pizza?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.

I was playing poker with tarot cards the other night. I got a full house, and four people died.

What is the difference between a poker player and a dog?
In about ten years the dog quits whining.

AK = Anna Kournikova. Always looks Great. Never wins.

Q: What's the difference between someone who prays in church and a poker player who prays after going all in?
A: The player who plays after going all in really means it.

My Mom's sister fell asleep during a poker game. I yelled "Auntie Up!"